Behold The Bread Cube

A Stadium Concession You'll Absolutely Loaf

On either January 18th or 19th the Kansas City Chiefs will host a divisional round playoff game against whichever team is unfortunate enough to be subject to Patrick Mahomes' 4th quarter magic bullshit. It is expected to be slightly above freezing temperatures, with a good chance of either rain or snow. This makes for true Football Weather™,¹ and such conditions will require the fans in the stands to be well-fortified with sustenance if they wish to survive the ordeal. But, instead of normal stadium fare like hot dogs and nachos, what if there was something that was denser in calories and tempted your sweet tooth?

Enter, The Touchdown Toast:

Behold the bread cube in all its glory and splendor! Admire its rounded corners, its glazed walls, the scoop of ice cream perched atop this tower of B̶a̶b̶e̶l̶ bread and custard! This is Manifest Destiny come to fruition.

Available for a mere twenty-five American dollars at Arrowhead Stadium's Section 111, Touchdown Toast is sure to be the delight of Chief's Kingdom come game day. It has been rumored² that the Big Chief himself, Andrew "Andy" Walter Reid, has taken a special interest in the concession and demanded that five of the toasts be made available to him in the locker room before the game so that he may inspect their quality.

The astute reader may have quibbles about the practicality of eating Touchdown Toast in the freezing rain. "It's an unsliced loaf of wet bread!" they cry. "There's no way it'll be cooked through!" they claim. "I'm already pre-diabetic!" they whine incessantly. To all these haters and losers I say this: shut up, nerd, you will eat the cube and you will like it.

I will now conclude this post by remembering some cubes:

1. If you disagree with this, you're wrong

2. No it hasn't